X: The Full Monty
by Hemlocke
Summary: The CLAMP guys do a full monty. 'Nuff said!


X: The Full Monty
    
    X: The Full Monty
    
    ( part 4 )
    
     
    
    Suoh raised an eyebrow, seeing the confused Fuuma out on stage, ostensibly dressed as a doctor. "A quack's more like it," he thought wryly. He shrugged philosophically. It turned that his friends and him were NOT to be the next to go after all. "No loss there," he thought.
    
     
    
    Suoh calmly stepped out of Kamui's way, holding a champagne flute in his hand. The young man was still energetically chasingafter Sorata. "So, Akira, are you ready?" he casually asked, sipping his champagne. He was NOT going to think about what he was going to do soon. A Takamura stayed calm at all times, he would be shaming his ancestors if he failed to perform. Perform. Suoh winced inwardly at his choice of words. "The things I do to keep Kaichou safe..." he thought to himself, not for the first time.
    
     
    
    Akira stared mournfully at the goings-on. He stared at Suoh, wondering how his sempai stayed so relaxed despite knowing what they had to do afterwards. "At least Takamura-sempai is in his normal workwear, I'm dressed as 20 Mensou..." Akira buried his head into his hands. He had no idea how on earth Ms. Kasumi knew he was the thief of CLAMP Campus. But he suspected Kaichou had something to do with it, Nokoru would divulge any kind of information if a woman requested it.
    
     
    
    Akira slowly walked over to Suoh. Nokoru was somewhere else at the end of the small room, talking enthusiastically on his handphone. Probably wrapping up a business deal. In the midst of all this chaos. How typical of Kaichou.
    
     
    
    Akira sighed. "You know, Takumura - sempai, Utako and Nagisa are already here," he whispered to Suoh. Suoh gagged and spat out his champagne. "Wha -, NAGISA'S outside? She actually came?" Suoh exploded. He didn't expect that. Suoh perspired profusely; the heir to the famous Takamura ninja clan wasn't so calm now, not with his delicate girlfriend outside in a soap full of lecherous people who might molest her. And him about to strip too... Actually, Suoh was more worried about Nagisa seeing him nude rather than anything else.
    
     
    
    His black - haired friend blanched."Gomen nasai....Utako invited her along to keep her company. I thought that Nagisa would decline the invitation but Utako persuaded her to come..." Akira frantically gestured for Suoh to keep his cool. Fortunately for him, Suoh didn't blow his top. Instead, his friend's broad shoulders slumped in defeat.
    
     
    
    "Akira...You know, we needn't bother protecting Kaichou from all those triad gangs & the yakuza," Suoh muttered rubbing his temples; he was having a headache. "And why not?" The ever-blur Akira asked. "Coz I'm going to kill him myself..." Suoh replied. Akira nodded enthusiastically. "You know what Sempai? I think I'll be your accomplice...." The two men stood back and recalled their previous council session withNokoru.
    
     
    
    *********************
    
     
    
    "Akira, Suoh, I have a new mission for the CLAMP Campus Detectives Team! We're back in action!" Nokoru stated cheerily, raking up their glorious shared past as 3 suave young gentlemen who made it their business to make any women of any age happy. Or rather, NOKORU made it his business to make the women happy & Suoh & Akira just went along to make sure he stayed safe.
    
     
    
    Suoh & Akira looked warily at Nokoru. Past experience had told them that one should never trust Nokoru, especially if he mentioned the CCD and women in one breath. "What?" they chorused. Suoh continued, "I don't think we should accept this mission, whatever it is. Kaichou, you're behind in your paperwork again," the stern secretary reminded Nokoru. The handsome young chairman pouted prettily.
    
     
    
    "Oh, it isn't a major assignment. And it's after office hours, I won't be doing any work then," Nokoru begged for leniency. "Karen Kasumi of the Dragons of Heaven approached me for some help. The place where she works at is planning a Ladies' Night and they need men to perform. That's all."
    
     
    
    "Perform?" Akira asked. "Perform what?"
    
     
    
    Nokoru grinned sheepishly and scratched his head. "Oh....just a little striptease..."
    
     
    
    Both his friends shot out of their chairs. "Kaichou! You're out of your mind! I'm not going to do anything like that!" Suoh protested vehemently. That would be an affront to his dignity as a ninja. He narrowed his eyes supiciously at Nokoru. Nokoru laced his fingers together and fluttered his long eyelashes flirtatiously at Suoh. "What do you expect Suoh? She works in a soap after all."
    
     
    
    "Kaichou..." Suoh spoke slowly. He had a sinking feeling about this. "Kaichou...You didn't say 'yes' did you?" he asked with a growing sense of foreboding. Akira sweatdropped profusely. What will his mothers say if they caught their only son in a strip joint? They'd disown him, that's what!
    
     
    
    "Yes, Kaichou... Say you told her 'no'..." Akira begged.
    
     
    
    Nokoru's blonde head shook from side to side. "No...I told her 'yes'...And I told her to invite Lady Nagisa & Lady Utako too... Ummm.... Suoh? Akira?" Nokoru stood up and peered over the edge of his table. Both his friends cum bodyguards were sprawled on the floor, out cold.
    
     
    
    Nokoru frowned but then brightened. "Ah well... They'll get used to the idea...."
    
     
    
    *******************
    
     
    
    Suoh & Akira snapped out of their reverie when Nokoru bounded over to them. He was dressed elegantly, as usual, in an Armani suit. "So, are you ready for this?" he asked flippantly. He was conveniently forgetting that they were at the soap under protest.
    
     
    
    "Kaichou..." Suoh began, his golden eyes glinting dangerously. Whatever invective he was planning to throw at Nokoru was lost to the wind when Karen poked her head in and called them. "If you're ready gentlemen? You're on now," she winked at Nokoru. "We're coming...Just hold off the ladies until we get onstage!" Nokoru replied.
    
     
    
    Akira, Suoh & Nokoru straightened up and brushed off invisible specks of dust off their clothes, Suoh still mumbling incoherent protests. "Come on out! Oh, and Nokoru, I didn't know you had a fan club!" Karen beckoned for them to approach the stage.
    
     
    
    "Oh, good! I had hoped for their support!" Nokoru clapped his hands. Akira & Suoh groaned for what had to be the millionth time that evening. "Fan club..."
    
     
    
    Karen stepped outside and announced,"Well, 3 gentlemen who need no introducing whatsoever, the present committee of CLAMP Campus!"
    
     
    
    Nokoru's fan club screamed collectively,"Kyaaaa!! Nokoru-sama!" while waving banners and handkerchiefs. Suoh noted with alarm that almost all of them were holding a videocam or camera of some sort. The 3 men stepped forward, Suoh & Akira flanking Nokoru like they normally do. Audience howls grow louder and wilder. Nagisa's violet hair stood out in the audience and she gave Suoh a shy smile of encouragement. Utako, being more outspoken, just screamed, "Go Akira!!" Both men blushed a bright scarlet.
    
     
    
    The music started and the trio swung into action and the opening disco sequence of "Who Do You Think You Are?" blared on. Suoh winced in distaste. He was sure Nokoru had picked the music, the flamboyant beats had the word 'Nokoru' written all over it. 
    
     
    
     The race is on to get out of the bot-tom... 
    
     
    
    Nokoru & Suoh flung off their trenchcoats and the ladies in the audience fall onto the prized items like a pack of hungry hyenas. Akira fell back, puzzled. "Err, Sempai? I don't have a trenchcoat. Will my cape do?" he asked Suoh. "Yes, yes, just throw off whatever you have..." Suoh muttered. "This is a STRIPTEASE, Akira… They're not picky…" 
    
     
    
    "Oh… Sou ka." And Akira's cape flew magnificently into the audience
    
     
    
    "That's MINE!" Utako's asserted her rights over her cape immediately and the rest of the women pouted. 
    
     
    
     You have got TO! Swing it, shake it, move it, make it...
    
     
    
    The trio made some very inviting pelvic thrusts, taking off their jackets in the process. Utako, Hokuto & Kotori cheer wildly while Nagisa blushed. She never knew her macho boyfriend could dance so well...
    
     
    
     Playing the snake of the ladder but you're wrong!
    
    I said now, whooooo do you think you are? 
    
     
    
    Akira snuck a look at Nokoru while wiggling his hips to the song. He never knew Nokoru
    
    could dance so well. "Psst, Sempai!", he called out to Suoh. "What is it this time, Akira!" Suoh snapped irritably. 
    
     
    
    "We made sure Kaichou was with us all the time, he never took any dancing lessons in school," Akira remarked. "Maybe his parents provided him with an instructor at home," Suoh replied, removing his tie & vest. "And Akira, take off that mask of yours, they want to see your face," Suoh reminded Akira. "Ooops." 20 Mensou proceedd to reveal his identity and the girls screamed even louder.
    
     
    
     You have got to reach on up, never lose your soul-oul... 
    
     
    
    The 3 men pause in their dancing to unbutton their shirts.
    
     
    
     
    
    ************************************************
    
    *Backstage*
    
     
    
    "Sumeragi Subaru!You're next!" Karen called through the curtain.
    
     
    
    "Hai!"Subaru stood up and headed for one of the changing rooms. Underneath his arm was a small package, not unlike the one given to Fuuma.Subaru smiled to himself. "Leave it to nee-san to spend time and loving care on costumes for her loved ones at an even like this." 
    
     
    
    He then scowled a bit. 'But why do *I* have to strip too?!"He grumbled as he held up his string."I should have rigged that deciding game better as well."
    
     
    
    *********************************************
    
     
    
     ...Nevah lose con-trool.. 
    
     
    
    Suoh began to remove his shirt but was prevented by Nokoru. "Wait, wait for the best bit of the song..." Nokoru explained, raising his eyebrows lasciviously at Suoh. The chairman leaned in conspiratorially to Suoh, running his eyes up and down what was
    
    Revealed of Suoh's muscular body.
    
     
    
    "You're a real good looker, you know, Suoh..." he murmured seductively, running a finger down Suoh's chest. Suoh's eyes widened and he took a step back. "Kaichou?..." Nokoru licked his lips and advanced slightly in a predatory fashion towards Suoh.
    
     
    
    "Ow!" Nokoru rubbed the side of his head. "What was that?" He glanced down on the floor and saw a fan there. Nokoru looked up to see Nagisa standing with her hands on her hips and Utako staring at her now empty hand.
    
     
    
    "Nokoru-sama, get your hands off my guy!!" the now not-so-shy Nagisa screamed. Hokuto joined in the fray. "Yeah! And continue dancing!!" Kotori yelled,"Or I'll get my brother to waste you, rich brat, you!"
    
     
    
    Nagisa sat back down in a huff. "I may be a nice person but not when it comes to Suoh. I DON'T share Suoh!" she stated indignantly. 
    
     
    
    "Don't worry Nagisa, I'll make sure he keeps his hands off Suoh. I'll threaten to cut off whatever business dealings my father has with his company..." Utako reassured her best friend. Nagisa nodded, somewhat placated.
    
     
    
    But we digress...
    
     
    
     Last bit of the song, Melanie C shrieking: Swing it, shake it, move it, make it, trust it, use it, prove it, GROOVE IT!! 
    
     
    
    All 3 men threw off their shirts, leaving them topless. The cleaners of the soap groaned, looking at the amount of drool left on the floor. They were going to have a tough time tomorrow...
    
     
    
     Spice Girls collectively: Who do you think you are? 
    
     
    
    Belts are removed, as are shoes and socks. Nagisa & Utako sat calmly, sipping their drinks, avoiding the melee. A summer sale never saw such a rush.
    
     
    
     Mel C continues shrieking... 
    
     
    
    All 3 rip off their altered pants. Akira blushed in embarrassment, belatedly remembering the fact that he was wearing the pair of boxers with teddy bears printed on it - one of his mothers' gifts to him. Akira's fan club shrieked even louder, "You're so kawaii, Akira-kun!!"
    
     
    
    Suoh sighed in relief - he was wearing boxers too, but in a far more conservative fashion than that of Akira's. He never knew his young friend was into teddy bears. A corner of Suoh's professional mind noted that little quirk of his friend. He'd have to remember to find a Steiff teddy bear for Akira for his next birthday...
    
     
    
     
    
     Mel C's final shriek: GROOVE IT!! 
    
     
    
    The 3 men rip off their boxers simultaneously, revealing 3 very well toned, very slim, very desirable bodies...and other interesting parts. An awed silence meets the brave CCD trio, then suddenly, Hokuto and her fellow perverted cronies stand up and give them a standing ovation.
    
     
    
    "Bravo! Bravo!!"
    
     
    
    Suoh stood back. "Good, now that we're done, can we go backstage? The aircon is freezing me," he remarked. It was then he noted that most gazes in the audience are pinned on him. A young lady was gaping so much that Suoh could practically hear her sockets disconnecting and her lower jaw fall to the floor.
    
     
    
    "What?" he asked, mildly annoyed at all that attention. The applause had ended somehow and the soap was actually quiet for the first time that evening.
    
     
    
    Akira coughed delicately, as did Nokoru. "Kaichou? Akira? What's wrong?" Suoh couldn't believe his eyes when Nokoru turned bright crimson and looked away. "Akira?" he turned to his other friend for help, now that Nokoru was going to be difficult.
    
     
    
    Akira himself turned bright red. "Well..." As a biology student, Akira had seen many things but THIS..."Well..." the young chef hedged.
    
     
    
    "What?" Suoh snapped.
    
     
    
    Akira stepped forward so that he was blocking Suoh from the audience. "Well, you see, Sempai... Kaichou is blonde and I'm black-haired..." he began slowly. Suoh raised his eyebrows, puzzled."So?"
    
     
    
    Akira groaned silently. "Sempai...You have BLUE hair..."
    
     
    
    Akira pointed out, his eyes flickering downwards on Suoh's body. Akira turned an even darker shade of red and he looked away to the side.
    
     
    
    Suoh swallowed very hard as he understood the implications of Akira's remark. He had taken some classes on human biology himself. Suoh felt himself grow faint. He thought he heard bells ringing in the distance. "Akira..." one hand reached out and grasped Akira's
    
    shoulder very hard. "I think I'm going to be sick."
    
     
    
    With that, Suoh fainted straight away on the floor, making a very undignified crash.
    
     
    
    His friends hastily dragged him away to the dressing room area. Hokuto looked around at her shocked audience. Something had to be done to bring them out of their funk. She grabbed hold of Kotori's hands and dragged her up onto the stage.
    
     
    
    Once she was there, Hokuto put her hands on her hips and scolded the audience. "Well, what are you waiting for? You enjoyed the show didn't you? So clap!! CLAP!!" Kotori made some frantic clapping gestures to prompt the audience.
    
     
    
    Upon hearing her voice, the audience shook themselves free from their stunned expressions. "Ohhh...", resuming their interrupted applause.
    
     
    
    "BRAVO!! BRAVO!!!"
    
     
    
    Meanwhile, backstage, Suoh moaned in embarrassment...
    
     
    
    "I hate my genes..."
    
    ~~~~
    
    To be continued....
    
     
    
    Author's note: I was in a very naughty mood when I suggested this… : Way back in 1998. Anyway, this is only part of a fic. The full one has to be obtained at the CLAMP fanfiction archive, under the title X: The Full Monty. Mail me for the link if you are interested. I also cowrote some of the other chapters in the fic, namely chapter 2. 
    
     


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